Wednesday, August 08, 2007


I'm not especially a prankster, but everyone thinks that this was a biggie. I don't think so. I was just lookin' out for myself from a prospective sleeze bag. I have a friend married to a Turkish man. (He's lived in the U.S. For only about 11 years.) So she asked me if I'd like to join her, her husband and his relative visiting from Turkey for dinner at a nightclub/restaurant.
They wanted to show the cousin a nice time and thought he'd feel more comfortable if he had a pseudo date. I said, "sure why not." I made it clear that I would only go to the club and that is it. I am not a damned escort! I actually said that to my friend and she laughed saying, "No, no we'll drive you straight home afterwards. Just be there with us. The more the merrier." Well, that is all good.
At dinner, I said that I would rather have a Coke with my meal and he didn't seem too thrilled. He questioned why I wasn't drinking? WTF? Does there have to be a reason?
I come from a land where women owe no explanations, was what I felt like saying. But I said, "I'll have a couple beers after my meal." Then after the meal, I ordered a Corona. When I was about 80 percent finished with the one, he said, "have another one." Well I didn't want more liquor and the only thing I could think of was to order an O'Doul's. So I did. Then he ordered me a third one without asking me. Then his cousin ordered a fourth one without asking me. Well earlier, I quietly (secretly) asked the lady bartender to put the O'Douls in a pint glass each time, because I didn't want them to know I wasn't having real liquor. So she was a sport and played along. The gang nonplussed to why I was so sober, was getting drunker and louder and Ed was getting touchy feely, which I wasn't having any of. I sat there lady like as normal as normal can be. No matter how many O'Douls I had, I kept having to put his hand back on his own knee. I wasn't getting touchy feely back and he seemed a little perturbed. LOL I was having the time of my life......... straight! Belly dancer was cool. Music was fun. Food great. Date - not so. Looking dejected at my lack of amorousness, he pops up, suggesting we all have one last round. I said, "sure, I'll have a Corona with lime this time in a bottle". So he was happy. Surely I'd finally loosen up after 5! Nope, I chugged half down and nursed the second half for the next 30 minutes. He'd look at me waiting to see if I'd get a little loud or a little merry or a little touchy feely. BUPKUS! I was enjoying this charade. We left and they drove me home. Ed (Ediz) was quiet the whole way. He suddenly looked like he had lost a giant poker match. He sat in the car half drunk with a semi pout. He walked me to my door and asked me, "why don't you like me". I said, "I like you. You speak great English and you are funny. Why do you think I don't like you? Is it because I don't want you touching me all over? Why should I let a stranger touch me all over? If you had a daughter and she was on a first date, would you like her to be touched all over? Sorry, but I'm respectable and I don't know what you expected. But Jackie just asked if I would be interested in joining her and Omer and you for dinner. I didn't think I was required to prostitute myself also!" He took a step back and said. "American women sure aren't coy are they?" "Coy", I say sardonically. "I don't even know the meaning of the word." And without pause, I continue, "Thank you for a great evening. I really did enjoy your company". I'd say let's do it again before you leave but I'm going out of town. Enjoy your stay. Welcome to Chicago. Bye!" And that was the end of that.

I know (AVI in PHOENIX) is going ape shit reading this right now saying, "HOW CAN YOU TURN DOWN A HOT TURKISH MAN?". My answer. Easy. When a guy is certain that I will want to shag him, then of course I will not want to. Babe. It's all about the arrogance. I wouldn't have given him the satisfaction. Yuh know PRINCIPLE. It was a good prank that I will love telling friends about for years to come. It's guaranteed laughs. (Especially the way I tell my stories).


Avi in AZ said...

Oh, you're all wrong. I'm totally for what you did. Slutty Turkish men are hot (although sluttly Slavic men are hotter still). All the same, the arrogance of this Ediz who thought he was such a prize that earned him this treatment.

Sometimes you gain more satisfaction with a tease than you do with a lay. And if the guy is as hot as he was arrogant, then you had the more to gain. Take him down a notch.

Good work, Catwoman! You're the type of straight chick that makes every gay man proud.

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

You know, I agree with Avi in Az!

Hey - you really do like Amy Winehouse, don't you? She is pretty good, and very stylish and cool. MMM.

M- Filer said...

Am I the only one who thinks you were too nice to this guy? Ewww, what a dirtbag. I mean if he was hot and the feeling was mutual I would say go for it. But if the guy is all over you and trying to manipulate you with alchohol and your not into it, well...fuck that. Let's just say you have a lot more tact than I could ever muster up in a situation like that.

I love Amy Winehouse too.