Sunday, December 16, 2007

So I took this quiz and you know what. They're right!

You Belong in London

You belong in London, but you belong in many cities... Hong Kong, San Francisco, Sidney. You fit in almost anywhere.
And London is diverse and international enough to satisfy many of your tastes. From curry to Shakespeare, London (almost) has it all!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Get Your Lips Off of Me

What's up with guys at work who use the annual holiday party to kiss? My female friends who work for a major (fill in the blanks) company in Chicagoland were telling me about their touchy feely guy colleagues who use liquor as an excuse to grope and kiss and be all lovey dovey at their party. It's the same with me. Except for the groping. Thank God, I don't have disrespectful shits at my company. But what the hell is up with the smoochy types? I see these people every day and the minute I walk in the door of the banquet, they're kissing me hello like as if they hadn't seen me in months. And then of course goodbye. I don't get kissed again until New Years eve. Another excuse day. Then again when I leave for my vacation.
Do they think I'm not coming back? What's up with all the kissing? Is kissing and hugging back in? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a cold fish, but some of these people are not my friends. If they were I would not mind the kiss. And for those colleagues who read this, you are my friend and I didn't mind your kisses. And you know who I'm talking about. So just shut up about this post and grin to yourself.
Love and kisses




Saturday, November 24, 2007

The Dumbest Things

Dumbest things people have said to me in the last 10 years.

After announcing to friends, co-workers and family, "I'm going to Turkey". I'd have people come up to me and say, "Don't take any drugs!"

Ah yuh gotta love that movie Midnight Express. That stayed in the minds of everyone til even now.

(A sign of brilliance)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After telling a friend, "I'm going to Wales"

"You mean like in London?"

Yeah, that Wales. Only it's a few streets west of London.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After admiring a co-workers plant saying, "Oh how beautiful. Is that a rubber plant?"

She answers, "no it's real"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After telling a group of people I was bilingual, they all assumed it was Spanish that I spoke.
It was not.
I reamed them.
Bilingual does not mean that it's Spanish that you speak, which I didn't know any of at the time.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After someone told me that she and her husband recently bought a home in Mexico, she looks at me and says, "I really gotta learn Mexican now"

Me, "Yeah, I think you can get some MEXICAN learning dvd's and learn MEXICAN on your computer or stereo. Or you can just take a Berlitz course in MEXICAN"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
While trying to be quietly discreet, not knowing whether my friend had told the people at the party we were at, she was pregnant (her mom was the one who told me about the pregnancy) I said, "I heard that someone in this room was enceinte" and her sister said, "who cares what anyone is. My sister is pregnant and I'm going to be an aunt!"

All righty then!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Oh you're going to Africa, someone told me you were going to Egypt."

Is what someone said to me after I said, "Oh I love north African cuisine sooooo much and I can't wait til I get there to just eat all day long."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Again, this was said after I announced the fact that I was going to Egypt.
By people who already know that I'd have been to at least 19 different countries on 5 different continents and ALONE for 95% of them.

"Yuh know, traveling to the middle east is not very safe these days."

As if that ever stopped me before. I'd gone to the Philippines right after president Benigno Aquino got assassinated and things were total mayhem. And to Turkey despite 3 bombings just days prior to my departure. Wouldn't it be evident by all who's known me that I just don't care? And DUH!

I also heard dumb comments about white slavery and wasn't I worried about that? As if some sheikh is gonna want a fucking old goat my age!!!!! Someone give me a break!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After seeing some teenage boys dressed like the Beatles, with the boots and the slacks, the skinny ties and the hair, I said to my then boyfriend who was 12 years younger than me, "Oh look how cute. They're trying to look like John, Paul, George and Ringo.

And he said, "Oh I see. The Stones." Me, "Yeah, right the Rolling Stones".

I'm old as dirt. And people need a globe in their house.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Last 3 Hot Brat Packers

One was a skinny nerd and now he's a buff hottie. Andrew is really McDreamyish and well for Robert. He's hot like a feral cat personified. Woof woof.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

How Schizo Is Bob Dylan?

How Schizo is this guy? There's a black boy and a chick in this collage. WTF? Is this like a Trainspotting version of his life story or something? Someone throw me a bone. I just noticed that Richard Gere is also in this photo. I'm very scared. This upcoming movie should have been released on Halloween because it looks like it's going to be downright scary.

Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Robert Goulet Dies

Robert Goulet died today. Boo hoo hoo.
I love this commercial and now I'll get all misty everytime I see it.
When you're old like me and you see all the old timers you grew up seeing on
the Mike Douglas show or Carol Burnett show you know that you're too, starting to er well (get old too). What ever happened to the variety show? They don't exist anymore. We have Dancing with the stars and American Idol but no variety shows. It's either singing or dancing. No funny skits, followed by a band or solo artist. The closest to a variety show are the Leno and Letterman shows really. Ah the good ol' days. I think we've outgrown wholesome stuff. I think really that if there were a variety show I'd be bored. Gimme the gore of E.R. or the CSI's.

This always cracks me up when I see it. I don't know why it makes me laugh. Maybe it's the way Goulet moves.

Friday, October 26, 2007


Went with some friends to a bookstore. I saw this on display and cracked up over the title. My friends didn't get it. I said, "Whiskey - Tango - Foxtrot". Don't you get it?! Them, "NO". I had to explain. "Whiskey = W Tango = T Foxtrot = F
(And if you look at the photos inside you will be saying, "What the fuck!")

Sunday, October 21, 2007

3rd Graders

A teacher is explaining biology to her 3rd grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... And before he could say 'Fuck off!,' the rottweiler ate him!"

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Well today I had a "special" little experience. One of our technicians comes up to me and asked me, "How the hell do you pronounce this name?" as she's pointing to the surname Duquesne. I whisper to her "DOO KAIN". So she goes out and says, "DOO KAIN - Doo Kain". No answer. So I get up and go round to the other end of the office (it's sort of L shaped) and holler out in a French accent, just in case. "Doo can - Doo can". Then repeat "Doo Kain - Doo Kain". All of a sudden a Puerto Rican lady speaking broken English comes up and says, "I'm Irma DOOK KEZ NEE". I was tongue tied. I said, "You don't pronounce your name Doo Kain?". Her, "No we're Puerto Rican". All righty then! What do you say to that? We really are a strange hemisphere. Only in the "west" do you ill pronounce city names and now obviously last names. Some of my favorites are the way the New Mexicans pronounce Madrid, New Mexico (City between Albuquerque and Santa Fe) they say Mah Drid. Mah being pronounced as the way you say Ma in Mary. Then there's all the French names pronounced all wild western. Eeesh. It's almost creepy. When I went to the U.K. I heard every other town and city and street name pronounced differently from the way we pronounce it here in the states. Like Elgin, or Montrose, or Beauchamps (in England it's pronounced beecham). What's your favorite oddly pronounced name?

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Reverse discrimination or something like it............

Today I had a colleague, (another fellow non Spanish speaker. There are 3 of us.) who had a horrid episode with a Hispanic American physician. She called his office to find out the kind of medications a mutual patient is on, (because he didn't know what he was taking.) The doctor was transferred the call by his secretary and immediately started speaking in Spanish to our technician. She said, "Dr Espinoza, sorry I don't speak Spanish. I'm Jan from Dr White's office. We need to know what medications Mr Velez is on." And the doctor berated her by yelling at her, "YOU DON'T SPEAK SPANISH! AND YOU WORK IN THE HOSPITAL?!" I CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH YOU!" And he then slammed the phone down on her, without giving her the information. They were disconnected. Dr White was too pissed and busy to call back to give the ass hole a piece of his mind.
I was mortified. I felt bad for her. It ruined her day. I get this too on occasion. Sometimes a patient asks me if I speak Spanish. I'll say no. And they'll say, "NO? Porque no?". Like it's my duty and responsibility to speak Spanish in America. I learned some before traveling to Spain. I learned it well enough to not have any problems. I can make appointments in Spanish and do that well. Anything else, it's translator time. But how and why some arrogant, pompous ass people think it's a moral obligation to know it, is well..... FUCKED UP! I am not a technician, but if I worked directly with people as a nurse or technician, I would learn it on my own and pay for it. It's people like the doctor who are fucking up the order of things in our country. They made it so easy for people in their community to not learn English. The communities all have one of everything for the non English speakers. A butcher, baker, florist, clothier, pharmacy, doctor, lawyer you name it. And people like me can walk into a Mexican fruit market and ask where the coriander is and they look at me like QUE QUE? Shit. Does no one know what the fuck coriander is anymore? Do we all have to call it cilantro from now on? Can I not speak English anymore? Stop the madness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you who think I'm a racist and a bigot. Piss off. What's racist? Exactly what? NOTHING IS. So don't send me your shitty stupid stuff in my in box. Post it on comments so that everyone can see how flaky you are. You know who you are. Well now that that's off my chest. Coriander is not a word like buffet or Hors d’Ĺ“uvres which was adopted since English America didn't have them in their daily life. But do we have to say DU JOUR? Why can't we just call it soup of the day? Du jour on American menus is just plain dumb. I'm not anal about bi or tri lingual signs or anything. I'm just peeved about people being offended by my speaking English. It's become ridiculous already. So ridiculous that I'm not understood by people at Dunkin' Donuts because I have such a thick CHICAGO accent. When I asked for a "cup o' decaf, little bit o' cream, no sugar" last month. They just stared at me not understanding me. I couldn't help but be sarcastic, "What's the matter, don't you understand my Chicago accent? Is it that thick?". I was born in Chicago, so my accent is not mixed with anything else. I more or less have that William Petersen, Gary Sinese thing going. And that's soooo hard to understand when your from ____________________ fill in the blank country. Well gotta go now. Gesundheit you all.

Post script. I loved my trip to Spain. And I loved how easy it was to learn it after being there for three weeks. The people, music and food was just awesome and wonderful. The Mediterranean (southern) part was my favorite. Hell who wouldn't like the sunny warmer part? But I'd never expect them to know English so for 8 months I learned the Berlitz Spanish for travellers. My gripe is those who live in the U.S.who loathe speaking or learning English. Those who just want to sit back and take because someone told them that they could. Ignorance should not be bliss. For those of you planning to visit or move to the U.S. to live or stay awhile, I have three words for you......Berlitz and Rosetta Stone.

These Guys Give Me the Vapors

Posted by Picasa
Posted by Picasa

Posted by Picasa

Posted by Picasa

Posted by Picasa

Thursday, September 20, 2007


WELL DUH! No shit Sherlock! Note what they put side effects are for castration. Um Dumb ass....of course there will be a decline in sexual interest!!!! Dur Mr or Ms journalist at the AP. Did you forget that that would be the "OBVIOUS"? They also continue to say that there would be erection problems. DOUBLE DUH!!!! Isn't that the idea. So that there won't be any erections?! This article below was in the news last week and since I'm going out of town for a few days and have nothing else to talk about, I decided to blog about the dumb ass who wrote this. But did they really think that we wouldn't figure that out for ourselves and that's why he got the operation. TRIPLE DUH AP!!!! That's generally what castration means. Any 11 year old will know that when you chop off someone's balls, you're not going to get an erection, have any interest in sex, OR be able to procreate for that matter. Gor blimey, that is one idiot journalist.

PANAMA CITY, Fla. — A confessed rapist was sentenced Thursday to 25 years in prison, days after he voluntarily underwent castration as part of a plea deal to avoid a life sentence.
Circuit Judge Michael Overstreet sentenced Bobby James Allen to 25 years in prison followed by 10 years' probation. Allen pleaded guilty this month to three counts of armed sexual battery and other charges involving attacks in 1998 and 1999. Allen requested castration in exchange for a reduced sentence.
The surgical procedure cost about $2,000, and the court system paid for it, public defender Doug White told The News Herald of
Panama City. A message left with White after business hours by The Associated Press was not immediately returned.
Overstreet warned Allen to expect hormonal changes that could lead to the breast development, osteoporosis and hot flashes. Castration results in sterility, a decline in sexual interest and erection problems.

Ha ha. He's gonna get man breasts and need a manssiere. Hur hur. I bet he'll find himself a mighty fine husband in da big house.

Sunday, September 16, 2007


What's up with the 411 operators lately? The last dozen or so calls I've made to 411 were all persons (both male and female) who were undoubtedly Filipino. I know that accent anywhere. I spent 6 weeks there. There's no mistake on my part that when you and I are dialing 411 it's being routed to the Philippines. They have no idea how to find what you're looking for. When you just hang up and dial again, you get yet another clueless about "your town" Filipino person on the other end, who just doesn't understand you when you say simple things like "Cheesecake Factory". I had to spell out cheese because she wasn't understanding my thick Chicago accent. Jesus. I was like, "C as in Charlie. H as in hotel, E like echo, E like echo, S like sierra CAKE!" Then a dude didn't understand me asking for a certain spa and again I had to spell it out. "S like sierra".................. It's been frustrating, trying to get a number and fly out the door. The calls are too time consuming. You best look up a number yourself on Google. You can get it on your mobile phone now. If you can't figure out how to do this, just ask a 6th grader. There's only 2 people in my whole circle of friends who have figured out how to use Google on their phones. You don't pay extra for this in most cases. You don't have to have a pda for this feature either. I say boycott 411. I don't have anything against Filipinos. But they have been making a poor excuse as a 411 operator. I think it's best to talk to a Filipino from the Philippines face to face. It's much easier to communicate when they can see your lips and hear you in person. Otherwise this over the phone crap is shite. Especially when the call takes several minutes, and you just want to run out the door to get somewhere. On another note. If the tables were reversed, I'd be the bomb operator in the Philippines. I've never not understood a Filipino with a thick accent. I've always understood them perfectly.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


It seems that there has been a sudden surge in Hare Krishna's of late. For the last 2 months I've been seeing bands of them frolicking about town. They are trying to recruit flaky people who feel the need to join some sort of an exotic club free. (And probably to piss off their folks.) I thought I had been transported to the 1979 movie "Hair" and that Treat Williams was going to come and stick his tongue down my throat. (I wish) I felt like smoking a blunt, lighting a few sticks of some sandalwood incense and sing along and dance with them with flowers in my hair. Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare- Hare. Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.
I remembered the words. I had the soundtrack.
I suddenly turned into old lady mode and made eye contact with other people standing by, doing the one eyebrow up, smirk look, one makes when weirdo's are nearby. The leader was histrionically Jesus like, holding his hand out like the way you saw Jesus in all the movies of the present and past. It was like watching actors rehearse. Then they'd stop and give some rhapsodic spiel to the curious youth who had yet to see the likes of these colorful highfalutin, hippy, wannabe street preachers.
Yup, tambourines, dhoti's, sari's, love beads and all. They were actively trying to get some new members. Their brochures had some place of worship embossed on it which I couldn't make out at the distance I kept. So I later Googled for the location and found out it's walking distance from my house. OY VEY!!! So I can look forward to a new kind of skin head prancing around my hood come spring. Great.
Something about street preachers that puts me off. I know that it's ones duty to spread the word of their religion. But I'd rather not be approached, harangued or haggled (for donations) by anyone. I'll give to my own causes on my own terms thank you very much. I'd rather "seek" out on my own. If I have questions about some religious order, I'll do the research on my own at the library or Internet. I'll go to a church or temple with my own questions in hand, to seek whatever answers I may have on my own terms as well. I'm sure that 90 percent of these kids who join up now will be married with kids in normal jobs 12 years from now. As with anything, all fads come and go. Like the British punk look. It comes it goes. The mod look. It comes it goes. Bell bottoms they come they go. I just see this as another one.

Saturday, September 08, 2007


What ever happened to Jameson Parker and Dirk Benedict?
I bumped into an old co-worker of mine and she asked me if I was married. Ha! I told her, "no". "What about you?", I asked. She said, "yes". After the usual back and forth she says, "I thought you'd be married by now with a brat. You always were dating nice guys who looked like Jameson Parker or Dirk Benedict. You know real vanilla wafers." What ever the hell that meant. No one ever described guys I dated as the Jameson Parker or Dirk Benedict type before, but I have to admit, I did date at least two guys that look like Dirk in my life. I do admit I have a penchant for real white boys. No fault of my own. I grew up in a German neighborhood. These were the first boys I knew in life. Nice, good boys. I don't date only German boys though. Next in line usually were Scots, Scots Irish or Irish. Whatever. I didn't go out of my way to choose these guys. It was just happen chance. My mom was funny, if I met someone, she'd ask me which celebrity did he look like. Because I dated guys who looked like Matthew McConaughey, Rutger Hauer and a Ewan McGregor prior to her passing.
After the Starbucks lunch (pumpkin loaf & an iced venti soy latte), I came home and wondered what happened to Jameson Parker and Dirk Benedict. So I looked up Dirk on the Internet Movie Data Base AKA
B" movies and also acted in Germany.
On his web site he's written books and done plays. O.K. he's fine. Normal stuff. Then I looked up Jameson of Simon and Simon fame, and he did movies, t.v. shows and also wrote books but there was a little ditty that freaked me out on there. Says he was shot twice by a neighbor by a neighbor on October 1, 1992 near his condominium in Studio City in a dispute over dog waste. He was released from the hospital a day later. The man who shot him was charged with attempted murder and sentenced to 9 years in state prison. What a freak. 9 years in prison only. Just because he didn't cripple or kill him. Don't get me started. I swear this seems to be a trend. No one ever gets any quality time anymore. That's why there's so much violence out there. They give people short sentences and no follow up anger management required. I know this for a fact that it does not occur in Chicago. Once you're out that's it. You're an angry person forced to eek out a living without any anger management requirements or career opportunity. They also make it impossible to commit a family member who needs to be put away. Then when that person snaps and kills another, the other person's family wants to sue the psychotic or schizo's family for not taking charge of their relative. Nice going America. For all the brains and wealth we are known for we suck at MUCHO. Protecting civil rights has gotten out of hand already. There's too much protection IMO. Let's protect all the losers, illegals, psychopaths, sociopaths, celebrities, and killers because we don't want them and their families to miss out on the next election.

Monday, September 03, 2007



I'm not lobbying to ban colloquialisms and slang words. I'm not jumping on the same kind of bandwaggon as the French by banning all words English. It's just that our country will have some version of apartheid. We will be separated even more so than now because of language. Just like in places in China or India where there are scores of different dialects and no one understands the other. Each little village with their own language. Is that what Americans want? That's not good if it is. It's bad that our senior citizens aren't understanding the boy behind the counter at the Mickey Dee's. I heard a senior struggling with his version of English a couple years ago. Our senior citizens don't understand what's going on on a MTV special or Pimp my ride . All my friend's mother kept saying was....I don't get it. What's he saying? while watching t.v. with her daughter. (The lady wasn't hard of hearing either) Slang is replacing English as we knew it. More and more I'm hearing people talk lazily as well, and it's being accepted.

I'm gonna go get my hair did.

I took my baby his bath.

Why you not be listening?

How come you always gotta be so late?

Wow, you be styling wit them threads?

And I'm gonna pimp my ride.
My peers don't even get that one.
But like I said before, the slang terms aren't what bothers me. It's the use of double negatives and improper English. Not the slang. I guess I got use to it. I just feel sorry for the old senior citizens who don't have a clue. There are people over 40 who don't have a clue as to what twenty somethings are saying. It's gotten ridiculous. Furthermore, when I'm 68, I will want to understand the nurse who is giving me instructions for pre or post surgery. Or my pharmacist on how to use my medication.
Just watch the movie Burning Down the House with Steve Martin and Queen Latifa for a prime example of what I'm saying.

Sunday, September 02, 2007


Today I'm being peevish because I seem to hearing the extinction of the English language. Just like Darwin's theory, it seems to have evolved to a bastardized version of English. It's a cross between Spanglish (or Llanito as they call it in Gibraltar) and Ebonics. People actually born in the United States have accents that are not indigenous to the city or state they're born in. Don't know how it happened. I'm not a scholar. I just know what I hear. I'm just saying that if you're third or fourth generation United States citizen, you should not call an ambulance an AM BALANCE. And please ASK me a question don't AXE me. It'll be a bloody mess. Chocolate does not have three syllables. Neither does the word English.
It's Chok'lit and Ing'lish! Jesus. How did this happen? I'm not asking Americans to speak in the queen's English. Just a little bit better English. If you're an American and are bothering to speak it, do it well and do it right or don't do it at all.

Then there's my all time favorite. The word is supposedly not supposably.

Suddenly new accounts of how something happened go like this in conversation, "It was fire and smoke everywhere. I couldn't see anything". Years ago it would have been, "There was so much smoke and fire everywhere that I couldn't see anything". Or, "It was lots of loud music coming out of their house. Only 20 years ago it would have been said like this, "There was really loud music blaring out of their house." And, "It was mistakes made" instead of, "There were mistakes made". What happened to the world there??? Did it fall out of the dictionary? Was there a grand theft? Someone let me know what happened to it.

I also hate double negatives too. It's trash to my ears when I hear it. Aint never and didn't never. Don't say, "I don't want nothing", or "He don't like that" I'm the first one to say, "SUP" in an email or text, but to say it out loud would pain my ears.

There are a million and one slang words and words said differently in the south or east coast. "I aint bovvered". It's not a complaint. It's when one is trying to sound intelligent and improper English comes out, well it definitely makes or breaks a person. Better English will get you a better pay check for sure.

Here's a list of my all time favourites:
Teef = Teeth
Toof = Tooth
Meer'ah or Meer = Mirror (pronounced) Meer'rohr
Jag you are = Jaguar (pronounced) Jag'wahr
May naize = Mayonaise (pronounced) May'o'naize
Flutist is pronounced Floo'tist. Not like flauta with beef or chicken!
Yah'ma'kuh is actually Yar'mul'ke with an R and an L
Do not say REE-luh-tur it's REE-ul-tur
And Nuclear (nuk lee ER) not Nook you lir (G.W.!)
These are words that can be properly pronounced even if you have an accent. My friends haven accents and pronounce these words all right. So don't be sending me hate mail for being prejudice. Don't put words in my mouth that I'm not saying. There are so many dumb asses out there who do critique me for griping about stuff like this, like I'm their enemy. Like I have no right to make a comment about a person NOT PRESENT who mispronounced something wrong.
There should be no excuse for mispronunciation. I know people who dropped out of high school after sophomore year who speak proper English. So I'm not bashing foreigners or high school drop outs. You should speak proper English if you only graduated from 8th grade. I spoke proper English by the time I was in 7th grade and I went to public schools.

I'm also not criticising the different dialects and regional accents. I come from the deez and doze capital. This is not about "to'may'toe - to'mah'toe either.

Some of you will "get it" and some of you wont get what this is about. I shall not expound much further.

I think one partial reason for mispronunciation and bad English, were teens and twenty somethings making a youthful statement to separate themselves. I'm not going to talk like those squares in upper management kinda philosophy. Or those dorky white people or posh black people from(where ever). But then the problem with a teenage whim, is these babies are having babies and these babies are learning bastardized English. And now we have two new generations of Americans or in England's case "English" speaking some GHETTO FABULOUS version of what we now used to know as English......

Now without further adieu, I leave you with a couple hilarious British skits

Saturday, August 25, 2007


I know you are all probably wondering why I'm bring up spotted dick. But why not? I never had spotted dick in my life. LOL But in a couple of weeks we're having our annual Celtic fest here and with that comes vendors who sell all the products of the U.K., Ireland, Galicia,Spain and Brittany. And I decided..........I will have a can of it.
I will make my ol' pal Niall eat some dick too. Now, some of you, don't think I'm criticising this food by any means. I'm not. I just think it's a funny name for dessert. Here in America you wont find this on a menu. I've never even seen it at our north side Red Lion Pub's menu. Musn't be very awesome, if we haven't adopted it. Yet I will try it still in spite.

I will also buy a can of Heinz baked beans and make myself..........

Friday, August 24, 2007

Mojito Gum????

There's always a first. Jesus! Mojito flavoured gum. Don't give any of these to your friends in Rehab, I said, NO NO NO. I always thought that in our country, flavoured things were always normal, (well except the salt and vinegar chips which came out of the U.K.) until I saw this on my colleagues desk. I had a piece and it really tastes of mojito. LOL Have a piece when you're too broke to hit the bars after work on a Friday night. Hell have a piece when you're stressed out at work. Maybe it'll trick your brain into thinking you just had a cocktail and relax you some.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Elvira Arellano Gets Deported!

(If you're a left winger....."GO AWAY and DON'T COME BACK".)
It's about time!!!! She's finally arrested! Arellano deported to Mexico And who are the mentally challenged people at this rally???? Jesus!
Here we go again. On a daily basis we hear about this fucking broad, who has a flock of flaky people siding with her, wanting her to stay in America. She's illegal and wants me to agree that it's o.k. to break the law. She broke the law working with a fake SS# plus broke the law by returning after being deported, and God knows what other laws she broke. If I was born in another country, came to the U.S. as a child, was now a U.S. citizen and I broke the same laws that she did (using a fake SS#), I'd be arrested and deported to that country forever. No one would do anything about it, by calling it injustice. But I'm supposed to think it's o.k. for her to, just because she's not Al Qaeda. Jesus, such arrogance. First of all I would like to (no I wouldn't) get into the head of those few, "moron hippy" Americans who side with people like her. My neighbor gets into an altercation (a shoving match) with a girlfriend's ex who's stalking and threatening her, and he gets hauled away to jail in cuffs. Ms Arellano breaks the law, but because she's not a U.S. Citizen, she and her flaky followers feel, she should be exempt from the law of the land. How's that? I seriously need to know how logically one could side with a criminal. So she has a kid. It's not like we're sending her to Baghdad or Afghanistan. There is a breed of Hispanics in the U.S. Who think that being Hispanic is a god like thing and they should be untouchable. I'm Hispanic and never would I think that I'm so special to break any law. I don't dare because, I believe in karma. If I was a member of that church, I would cease my tithes and never go there again. Those church goers should boycott that church. They shouldn't have fed, clothed, aided and abetted a criminal, which is what she is. Nice church. Teaching it's members it's o.k. to break the law..........if you're Mexican??? We need to stand up and not succumb to these people. We as a people should know what's right and not buy into the crap that certain groups (or my flaky cousin) who tell us that our thoughts and actions are wrong and that we're racist and bigots. The politicians (also flakey as a biscuit) should be fired for approving and supporting that these illegal activities are o.k.
They just want votes anyway. They don't give a rats ass about her. But just jump on the bandwaggon so that "they good with their homeys" and get votes next term.
I just opened my window and Chicago is starting to really smell like shit.

Saturday, August 18, 2007


I got bit by the

On my right shoulder. It's red and round and big. It looks like I've got some third world rash. I don't know why we here in Chicago land have these strange plagues and pestilences ie; West Nile Virus, Itch mites and 17 year cicadas. It's odd because it's not like we have the Everglades nearby or swamps or bayou country. We're Chicago. Sky scrapers and metropolitan! WTF? It itches like friggin hell. I only have one. Those with multiple are getting infections from all the scratching with dirty finger nails and are keeping doctor's offices and the E.R. busy this past week. I'm the only one at work with this. I was lucky (so I thought) to be in the burbs, with the nice open sky last weekend, and thought, hey, let's look at the meteor shower! Bad idea. Now I have to suffer another week. They supposedly last for two weeks. Glad it's not a burrowing creature. Nothing like having to extract an alien out of your body. The wheal is classic round and red. I need to go find some Cortaid cream. The Benadryl is drying and peeling my skin. UGH! I think I should have stayed in Egypt. I'd probably be better off living in Turkey or Egypt or Morocco. The food is better and the shopping is good as well. And they probably have less pestilence then we do at the moment.
CLICK on photo for the news' itch mite story.

Saturday, August 11, 2007


I GET THESE WEIRD THINGS FROM OTHER BLOGGERS. THIS IS REALLY OVER THE TOP YUCK. Sorry but I don't think this is beautiful. If you do you're flakey and wear Birkenstocks and you should exit this blog. Breast feeding is many things, but it is NOT BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


I'm not especially a prankster, but everyone thinks that this was a biggie. I don't think so. I was just lookin' out for myself from a prospective sleeze bag. I have a friend married to a Turkish man. (He's lived in the U.S. For only about 11 years.) So she asked me if I'd like to join her, her husband and his relative visiting from Turkey for dinner at a nightclub/restaurant.
They wanted to show the cousin a nice time and thought he'd feel more comfortable if he had a pseudo date. I said, "sure why not." I made it clear that I would only go to the club and that is it. I am not a damned escort! I actually said that to my friend and she laughed saying, "No, no we'll drive you straight home afterwards. Just be there with us. The more the merrier." Well, that is all good.
At dinner, I said that I would rather have a Coke with my meal and he didn't seem too thrilled. He questioned why I wasn't drinking? WTF? Does there have to be a reason?
I come from a land where women owe no explanations, was what I felt like saying. But I said, "I'll have a couple beers after my meal." Then after the meal, I ordered a Corona. When I was about 80 percent finished with the one, he said, "have another one." Well I didn't want more liquor and the only thing I could think of was to order an O'Doul's. So I did. Then he ordered me a third one without asking me. Then his cousin ordered a fourth one without asking me. Well earlier, I quietly (secretly) asked the lady bartender to put the O'Douls in a pint glass each time, because I didn't want them to know I wasn't having real liquor. So she was a sport and played along. The gang nonplussed to why I was so sober, was getting drunker and louder and Ed was getting touchy feely, which I wasn't having any of. I sat there lady like as normal as normal can be. No matter how many O'Douls I had, I kept having to put his hand back on his own knee. I wasn't getting touchy feely back and he seemed a little perturbed. LOL I was having the time of my life......... straight! Belly dancer was cool. Music was fun. Food great. Date - not so. Looking dejected at my lack of amorousness, he pops up, suggesting we all have one last round. I said, "sure, I'll have a Corona with lime this time in a bottle". So he was happy. Surely I'd finally loosen up after 5! Nope, I chugged half down and nursed the second half for the next 30 minutes. He'd look at me waiting to see if I'd get a little loud or a little merry or a little touchy feely. BUPKUS! I was enjoying this charade. We left and they drove me home. Ed (Ediz) was quiet the whole way. He suddenly looked like he had lost a giant poker match. He sat in the car half drunk with a semi pout. He walked me to my door and asked me, "why don't you like me". I said, "I like you. You speak great English and you are funny. Why do you think I don't like you? Is it because I don't want you touching me all over? Why should I let a stranger touch me all over? If you had a daughter and she was on a first date, would you like her to be touched all over? Sorry, but I'm respectable and I don't know what you expected. But Jackie just asked if I would be interested in joining her and Omer and you for dinner. I didn't think I was required to prostitute myself also!" He took a step back and said. "American women sure aren't coy are they?" "Coy", I say sardonically. "I don't even know the meaning of the word." And without pause, I continue, "Thank you for a great evening. I really did enjoy your company". I'd say let's do it again before you leave but I'm going out of town. Enjoy your stay. Welcome to Chicago. Bye!" And that was the end of that.

I know (AVI in PHOENIX) is going ape shit reading this right now saying, "HOW CAN YOU TURN DOWN A HOT TURKISH MAN?". My answer. Easy. When a guy is certain that I will want to shag him, then of course I will not want to. Babe. It's all about the arrogance. I wouldn't have given him the satisfaction. Yuh know PRINCIPLE. It was a good prank that I will love telling friends about for years to come. It's guaranteed laughs. (Especially the way I tell my stories).

Sunday, July 29, 2007


Nursing home cat can sense death?
Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:02PM EDT
By Julie Steenhuysen

CHICAGO (Reuters) - When Oscar the Cat visits residents of the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island, the staff jumps into action -- Oscar can sense within hours when someone is about to die.

In his two years living in Steere's end-stage dementia unit, Oscar has been at the bedside of more than 25 residents shortly before they died, according to Dr. David Dosa of Brown University in Providence.

He wrote about Oscar in the New England Journal of Medicine.

"It's not that the cat is consistently there first," Dr. Joan Teno, a professor of community health at Brown University, who sees patients in the unit. "But the cat always does manage to make an appearance, and it always seems to be in the last two hours."

Raised at the nursing home since he was a kitten, Oscar often checks in on residents, but when he curls up for a visit, physicians and nursing home staff know it's time to call the family.

"I don't think this is a psychic cat," said Teno. "I think there's probably a biochemical explanation," she said in a telephone interview.

While pets are often used to bring comfort to the elderly in nursing home settings, Oscar's talent is special, though not unexpected.

"That is such a cat thing to do," said Thomas Graves, a feline expert and chief of small animal medicine at the University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine.

Graves said there is no evidence to suggest cats can sense death, but he doesn't discount it for a minute.

"Those things are hard to study. I think probably dogs and cats can sense things we can't," he said.

On a particular day detailed by Dr. Dosa, Oscar settled onto the bed of a patient in room 313.

His presence sent staff off to make calls and set up vigil.

When a grandson asked why the cat was there, his mother explained: "He is here to help Grandma get to heaven," according to Dosa's account.

She died a half an hour later.

(Additional reporting by Gene Emery in Boston)

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Why should I say I'm sorry?

I had a lunch date with "the 'interest' du jour" and because I only get a half hour, we went for a quick steak taco at the closest Mexican joint in the area. I usually don't eat American Tex/Mex stuff but it had to do. So when I ordered, I said to the guy at the counter, "steak taco with only lettuce, tomato and avocado. NO CHEESE AND NO SOUR CREAM." Well I guess this guy was one of my favorite people (a speed listener with AADD) because he had smothered the taco with cheese and sour cream. I took it back to the counter and said, "I'm allergic to cheese and sour cream", (actually I'm not allergic but I am lactose intolerant). So he said, "I'll make you another one". Mr "interest du jour" with a nervous laugh and giant smile apologizes to the guy. It made me feel like I was being such trouble. Not cool. After the guy gave me the new taco and said, "here you go no cheese and no sour cream". I just smiled and took it to our table. My date said, "gosh I felt bad for the guy. He had to throw that first taco out in front of his boss. And I find you intriguing. You didn't say sorry or thank you. You're a tough one aren't you? You don't take any slack from anyone."
My answer. "You have NO idea how thick skinned I am. Secondly, why should I APOLOGIZE? Do I look like some sap? He's the one who screwed up the order. So no, I don't believe in apologizing in this case. But I don't, so you do it for me. Why? And thirdly, I said thanks the first time and smiled the second. Dude you're the intriguing one for over analyzing this." Well this guy has a good nature. No griping. No bitching. All smiles and laughs. That's all I need right now. Lots of laughs. We do have a good rapport and laugh about anything. I'm on the right track this time. Who knew a cheap taco could turn into a brain teaser, because now I'm perplexed as to why I don't apologize when people screw up, like the so many overly polite persons you see out there.
People say sorry way way too often. Sorry when nudging and inching your way out off a crowded subway train. Or thank you after you paid a $500.00 medical bill somewhere. Hell that'll be the day I say thank you to a hospital when I'm writing out a check for that much. It's a little ridiculous sometimes, because it's just so out of habit. Most of our parents programmed us to say sorry, thank you, please and be nice. It's become a "thoughtless" and unconscious ritual like washing hands before you eat. Thank God my mother never told me to be nice. There wouldn't be any Cat woman blog if she did. So next time someone screws up something at your expense, "DON'T say, "that's o.k.". It's really not o.k!


Some people think that I'm some sort of a freak Tory or Conservative. SO I'll answer the question now. I'd prefer to not be categorized as either a conservative or a liberal.
I'm obviously not a liberal and I'm not conservative because for one I don't believe that federal government or state have the right to decide which people constitute a family.
For instance if two women, gay or straight, cohabitating under the same roof, with their children in my opinion are considered a family unit.
People in these arrangements deserve the right to make the pull the plug or don't decisions, or have family membership rights at the "Y".
I also don't think that anyone has the right to shove their Judeo-Christian beliefs down the throats of anyone who wants to have an abortion or deny insurance and legal rights for someone's same sex partner.
This is a free country that was formed expressly for the reason of freedom of religion. If a woman wants to abort, why should anyone interfere? One can express their opinion,but to legally stop it is really unAmerican altogether.
I wont continue with several paragraphs of political rhetoric but I will say, as I've travelled around the world. I've seen how we really don't have it so bad at all.
You don't want socialized medicine because if you've ever been to the U.K. or most places in Europe, where you had to pay a buck 65 for a soda out of a vending machine.
Or double for a burger and a beer. Or even 45 bucks for a pair of cheap walking shoes, at the equivalent of a Pay Less shoe store, you'll see how it's a bad idea.
The reason stuff is so expensive is because they have to pay for the free health care somehow. They have to get the money from somewhere and the percentage out of everyone's pay check just doesn't cut it anymore and hasn't for a long time. DO YOU ALL REALLY WANT TO PAY double for practically everything?
The wages in the U.K. are the same as here in the U.S. but almost everything is between 20 and 85% more expensive than here in the U.S.A.
Still think it's a good idea for free health care to all? EVERY SINGLE PERSON ALIVE AND BREATHING IN THIS COUNTRY?
There are Americans who think that the leaders of this country are their enemy.
Albeit they aren't especially productive without the persistance of our beloved lobbyists on their heels.
I've been to Indonesia and in this country you are not allowed to co-habitate with your girlfriend if you're a male. Yet here in the states if a man wanted to live with two women or two other men, he can without consequence.
You can be a gay male or female here and your partner can be covered on your insurance plan.
Still think our leaders are your enemy? The PM of Australia (big ol' AUSTRALIA) is opposed to giving gay people equal rights. IT'S 2007 AND John Howard IS STILL OPPOSED.
Come on children. Let's wake up and smell the coffee!

Saturday, July 14, 2007


In the recent past when conversing with friends or relatives and said, "I'm dating a 'Scotsman' and he wears a kilt at weddings" or "I'm dating a cute 'Irishman' from Cork." I was not accused of being a bigot or racist. No one shusshed me and said, "don't say that!" Nor was I scolded when I told friends, "my friend Simone just married a 'Frenchman' who reminds me of the French dude from Hogans Hero's." But now on a family reunion blog on which I added my chopstick story to, (see below) I used the word Chinaman and, WHOA! You should have seen the feedback I got on it. I was reprimanded and told that I should use the word Asian American and that I shouldn't say things like that. OH MY GAWD! I was attacked and scolded. Which is what I am ranting about here. The people in this country are all being newly programmed with this stupid PCness crap. How dare you say this and how dare you say that. You're horrible. I'm not allowed to say to a group of people a comment like. "I think that it was right that Immigration deported that Mexican women in the movie Babel. She broke the law." Or I'll be called heartless. Yes I felt sorry for her. I cried. But I don't feel like it was so wrong that she got deported. Having said that, I suddenly become the antiChrist in the room, for saying such a thing. It's crazy insane for people to think that a comment like that is a personal attack against all Hispanics. It makes me think that there's a lot more small mindedness in the world then I already believed there to be.
It's also wrong of me to think that most politicians suck up to all kinds of groups and lobbyists falsely and exclusively for the purpose of getting votes. (of course I mentioned a few, which I wont here) They tap dance around issues very tactfully to appease both sides of the fences. And I get bashed for opinions of mine like this. I'm accused of being uncompassionate and unchristian and told that this country has enough to go around as a reply to me, after I said, I think we're being sucked dry and tapped out by this that and the other" (each city has it's own sects and groups, so it's different everywhere. 'Fill in the blanks')
I thought we had freedom of speech here in this country. Yet guys like Borat get sued and Isaiah Washington gets sent away for de and re-programming and then subsequently sacked, for ranting in front of colleagues in a rehearsal room. I saw the Larry King interview. Isaiah has become a big fat scapegoat. There are those who truly believe I'm a "bigot" and "ignorant". According to a couple of cousins, by my saying something in the likes of, oh, for instance......., "My friend married an 'Englishman' who remind's me of Hugh Grant." is something that would be a big NO NO to say in public. It's not P.C. Who knew? One cousin thought I lacked compassion when I had given such opinions of the afore mentioned. Note to self: Take those Isaiah classes.
It also seems we can't talk about God or Jesus in public anymore and I'm supposed to be all right about that because of the off chance possibility that I may offend a Hindu, Jew or Muslim. And how dare I not find that acceptable. How dare I not be considerate to the atheist or satanist, (or who ever) by NOT putting up a Christmas tree.
How dare I complain about it. I should be tolerant. These days tolerance means you must not offend. Therefore I should BE O.K. about NOT PUTTING UP MY CHRISTMAS TREE IN MY SHOP.
Sorry but all this is bullshit on a stick to me. I don't buy it. I wont buy it. It's stupid.
I don't give a toss and I don't care who I offend. I am offended too.
When did so many people in the U.S.A. become so joyless and humorless? I don't know but I feel like Donald Sutherland in The Body Snatchers movie. That humans are being replaced by drone versions of themselves.

Sunday, July 08, 2007


Police are on the hunt for a man who robbed a New Hampshire bank on Saturday disguised as a tree, according to
The suspect walked into the Citizen's Bank in Manchester with tree branches duct taped to his body and demanded money from the teller.
Click here to view the report from Boston Fox
The teller filled a bag with cash and the suspect took off. A dye pack inside the bag exploded, the Web site reported.
Manchester cops described the man as a white male, between 45 and 50 years old, wearing glasses and a blue shirt.

I had to ticker this one. This, to me is the news story of the summer. No one shall top this.
I'm sorry but how do you think to disguise yourself as a tree to rob a teller?!
A real tree?!
Oh come on!
Dude are you for real?
Must've been crystal meth.
Who's the numb nuts security guard who let this guy even get to the teller window.
OY People are so mental or plain ignorant. Where does this bank hire security? Crack heads R Us?
Click on link to see the picture of this guy. MORON! Stupido!

Saturday, July 07, 2007


Last night a friend met me in Chinatown after an appointment I had there. So we had a late dinner. We found a place that he knew and sat down. We ordered and when the food came I asked for a fork. I don't do chopsticks. I don't do them because when I went to Tokyo I struggled to figure out how to use them before getting there. When I arrived in Tokyo, no where in two dozen restaurants that I saw, were there chopsticks on the table. There was no where where I had to sit on my knees on the floor either. The tables were like the ones in the U.S.A. and regular utensils were on every table as well. So I never bothered. I thought what's the point? All the Chinese restaurants in Chicagoland metro area have both chopsticks and utensils on the tables. So when I asked for a fork last night I didn't think that would be a strange request. The old guy said, "This is Chinatown. No one ask for fork here. Let me go find something for you." I felt like a I turd. I refuse to struggle for my food. It's so much easier with a fork and spoon. And being an American I see no point. It's not like I'm in Rome and I should do as the Romans. I'm here. In my homeland asking for a fucking fork! That's all. Is it really so complicated to keep forks being a restaurant owner? REALLY!

Friday, July 06, 2007


Holy crap. I came home late last night and saw this guy near the shrubs by my front door. If it weren't for that neon stripe that is spotable a mile away, I would have gotten sprayed!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boy was I close this time! I need to carry a maglight with me everywhere I go now. Jesus! Shine a beam of light along my pathway. I sure can't see me call my neighbor, "Um, I just got skunked, can you please go to the store and buy me 30 gallons of V8 and douse me in the basement. I can't see myself in a tin washtub being immersed in tomato juice. Embarrasing!

This Is How Much I Love Chocolate Cake

This is how much I love chocolate cake. Yes I bug my friends after we go out to dinner. I bug them to take me to Ethel's Or the The Fudge Pot in Old town. I confess I'm a bad influence. But this is me. I'm the one who sticks a finger in a cake's frosting. And I'm the one saying, "No I don't want to share a dessert. I want MY OWN!" Yup me in a nutshell. Or should I say a chocolate bag?

Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, July 04, 2007


Privet Bloom is my new favorite perfume. It's from Hampton Sun They are sunscreen gurus who branched out with a new signature scent for their company. It has the unique component of the bloom from the privet hedges indiginous to the Eastern U.S. and Hamptons area. It's a fresh clean spring/summer scent which includes a perfect blend of privet, sea spray and dune grass. It's not like anything. The perfume mist is light and lasting. Call them for a free sample. This product can't be found in most places other than New York or some coastal cities so you would have to order online.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Blockheads Never Cease

Some people are so rude and thoughtless and selfish. Today on the train I was one of the people who had to stand holding a rail. One of the last passengers to board after me was an elderly man at least 70 years old. Sitting in the priority seats for handicapped and the elderly were 4 young people under the age of 35. The first was a caucasian male around 25 with his nose in his palm pilot. Didn't look up once or didn't choose to. The second was an African American female around 30 who just sat down and closed her eyes. She also chose not to see if there was anyone in need before planting her ass down in the last seat that was available at the same stop as me. Then on the other side was an Orthodox Jewish male in his late 20's with his nose in the newspaper raised high, not looking behind it once. My eyes would shift back and forth to see if anyone would yield. The fourth person was a hispanic teen on her way to high school no doubt, as she had two books bulging out of her bag pack. She was chatting with a boy who was standing in front of her and giggling and totally oblivious to this man flailing around as the train moved. Finally after 5 minutes I said, "Hey, can one of you people yield your seat to that gentleman"? None of them moved. They paused for about two seconds and looked at me like I was a loose cannon. Don't know why. Didn't yell my request nor did I demand my request.
It's just a matter of selfish RUDE RUDE RUDE PEOPLE!!! The woman didn't even open her eyes. She fained like she was asleep. Yea right my ass. Finally a young man at a nearby seat arose and offered the man his seat. The old man sat down and thanked him. To you 4 people (selfish blockheads) sitting on the express train.... I hope your actions today come back to BITE YOU ON YOUR ASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope karma gives you all a taste of your own medicine one day soon, cuz...........what goes around comes around!

Observation: Clueless arrogant prats exist in all colors, sizes, genders and religions. And I blame the parents!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Oh My Aching Finger!!!

I had a freak accident 10 days ago and to make a long story short my 3rd finger of my right hand is busted. I had X-rays and I am not fractured. Yay! However after seeing my friend Dr Jan, she suspects since it's so swollen after 9 days and is still painful that I may have torn ligaments. She gave me a script for an MRI. I can do it if I want whilst she's out of town. I had an osteopaethic treatment for my abused back and finger and did some fab hydrotherapy as well. I feel a bit better but no cigar. I need to sweat this out. Hellz bellz I don't want an MRI!!!
I'm not afraid, but Geeze that's radical for a person who just wacked her hand on a gate. I need a hamburger. I haven't had a nice big juicy greesy burger in yonks. That'll be my weekend treat. Yippee!!!! It'll go straight to my ass and I wont be so upset about the painful finger. I'll have more pain when I see my fat ass in the mirror!!!!

Saturday, June 09, 2007


For the umteenth time!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I just wanna scream. My colleague Evie is trying to make me crazy.
She's moving AGAIN, and is calling me to help.

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD! Puhlease people stop calling me to bust my back and fingers.
I am too old to go up and down flights of stairs with boxes. I am too old to be taking chairs and end tables and lamps up and down stairs.
Be a grown up and hire a moving company. To do your packing and to box your stuff and to MOVE you.

People out there. When your friends are over 40 have some mercy. Stop being such a cheapskate and inconsiderate. As I said before. Be a grown up and cough up the dough. YOU HAVE MONEY FOR EVERYTHING ELSE don't you?
IE:Cigarettes, the weekend six pack, take out, the movies.... need I say more?
I'm not killing myself for people anymore. I helped her pack last night and after hunching over, putting stuff in boxes for two hours my back is fucked AGAIN.
It was not easy having a jacked up finger as well (see next blog) tissue papering plates and glasses.
Evie, you owe me $40 bucks for the osteopath!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007