Monday, December 27, 2004

AND NOW ICE CREAM FOR DOGS!




Ananova:
Ice cream for dogs launches

A Belgian company is producing ice cream specifically for dogs.

Three young marketing students from Edingen are confident their Dog Ice - which will be in the shape of a big bone - will be a huge success.

"We'll start with vanilla flavour but I think in the future it might also be possible to develop a special meat flavour", one of the producers, David Decroix, said.

His business partner Didier Murena said they came up with the idea when they noticed dog-owners sharing ice creams with their pets.

The ice cream will cost 3,99 euro (around $5.35).


Tuesday, December 14, 2004

EEEW HOW GAUCHE!

Nothing grosses me out more than festive holiday themed sweaters but now I've seen the ultimate gross sweater. Animal themed holiday themed sweaters if that makes sense.
I suppose you all think I'm an urban snob. Well I really don't give a piss what you think anyway. I'm from Chicago. We don't do cheery festive holiday themed anything. It's so suburbia. It's so country. We'd like to distance ourselves from not only suburbia but definitely the country. We are not country anything lovers. Artisans who sell arts and crafts have stopped selling the stuff at our art fairs. We simply just don't get into this shit anymore. When I saw this on a colleague, I wanted to hurl. Yes she's from the country living in suburbia. All I could think was "how gauche. And BARF!"

Thursday, December 09, 2004

CAT CROSSES SIBERIA AND FINDS HIS HOME!

And you all thought Lassie was a classic tale. There will be a film on this one day. "KUZYA COME HOME" This is amazing!
2004-12-07 18:12:00

Cat crosses Siberia to find its home.

Two-year-old male cat named as Kuzya has made an unprecedented journey across the Yakutia republic in Russia's Siberia. The cat walked 2,150 kilometers in three months to find its home, Regnum news agency reports.

The cat lived with the family of the Efremovs in the small village of Olenyok. The owners took the pet to the city of Yakutsk, the capital of Yakutia, in the beginning of summer. The cat apparently did not like the new dusty and noisy place of living and escaped. The Efremovs were going to stay in the city just for a short while, but the cat did not return when they had to leave back to the village.

The cat appeared on the doorstep of the Efremovs' house in Olenyok three months later. The animal looked rather pitiful: it was skinny, shabby and even untamed. "There were traces of some animal's teeth on the cat's tail. The three-month journey rubbed away its claws too. We have noticed that the cat became highly precautious. He walks stealthily all the time and he always looks for a hiding place. The poor animal had to cross Siberian woods and hills; he had to cross rivers and lakes. It is simply unbelievable," one of
the family members said.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

KITTY REHAB

Ananova:

Pub cat goes into rehab

Pub cat Trixie had to go into rehab after becoming a drunk by lapping up left-overs from drip trays.
Owners Gary and Eileen Roberts feared the six-year-old was ill when she started behaving strangely reports The Sun.
But a vet discovered she had trouble standing up because she was almost permanently drunk.
After a period under observation Trixie recovered - apart from a hangover.
Vet Peter Munroe said: "I've known people giving dogs a lick of beer but this is the first cat I've seen that likes ale as much as this."
Trixie is now home at The Cock Hotel at Fforden, Mid-Wales - but she is banned from the bar.


Monday, November 01, 2004

BLIMEY - It's About Time!

Prescription Glasses for Dogs
If Fido Is Bumping Into Walls, You Might Look Into Prescription Eyeglasses
Shades aren't just for humans anymore. Prescription dog glasses may make the sight of a dog in specs pretty common. (Doggles)
By DR. MARTY BECKER

Oct. 29, 2004 -- Now dogs may face the backyard taunt of being called "four-eyes." Or you may see a blind dog walking down the street wearing stereotypical dark glasses. No, I'm not kidding.
Doggles, a manufacturer of protective eyewear for dogs, is trying out a line of canine corrective lenses for dogs that can't see far beyond the end of their noses. First of all, dogs don't see as well as you might think. A dog's visual acuity is considerably less than that of a normal human according to Dr. Stanley Coren, author of "How Dogs Think: Understanding the Canine Mind."
The overall effect for normal dogs is something like viewing the world through a fine mesh gauze or a piece of cellophane that has been smeared with a light coat of petroleum jelly.
"If dogs drove cars, they'd have about 20/50 vision and their driver's license would say corrective vision required," Coren said.
Well, dogs don't drive cars, but they do need to see cars coming down the road. Or squirrels running around the back yard, a set of stairs or Mom holding a treat in her hand.
Just What the Doctor Ordered
For mature mutts that begin to lose their eyesight or for dogs that have lost their vision due to cataracts or unsuccessful cataract surgery, doggie glasses may be just what the doctor ordered.
Historically, there has been nothing to help dogs that were becoming blind as bats. We just let them get by as best as they could with their other senses. But now veterinary-approved canine corrective lenses can give many dogs the gift of sight again.
Dr. Michael Brinkman, a veterinary ophthalmologist in Las Vegas, said the Doggles company has worked with him to produce the corrective eyewear for dogs, which he is currently testing on some of his patients.
In particular, he said, the lenses can be used to correct the farsightedness that occurs in dogs that have had cataract surgery but could not have lens implants. A dog that has undergone cataract surgery without receiving a lens implant will be able to spot a cat across the street but perhaps not see a piece of kibble in front of its food dish. Typically, dogs without lenses are about twice as farsighted as humans without lenses.

WASH 'N' RINSE KITTY

Mon Nov 1, 2:32 PM ET

Eight-week-old kitten Milo sits Monday Nov.1, 2004 in the washing machine that nearly killed him earlier after he climbed in through curiosity. Milo disappeared at Ginny Troth's house in Redditch, central England, recently and bedded down in the laundry for a cat-nap. But Mrs Troth, who had been searching for him, unwittingly switched on the machine for a spin wash. Mrs Troth said she only realized where the inquisitive tabby might be about halfway through the cycle. (AP Photo/Rui Vieira)


CATS ENJOY WATCHING PORNO TOO


Monday, October 11, 2004

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw away soggy pill.

Take new pill from bottle, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from bottle. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from mantle and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbors shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Get screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Get bottle of Cuervo. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply Whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw t-shirt away and get a new one from bedroom.

Call fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from bottle.

Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty gardening gloves from garage.

Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet mignon. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 liters of water down throat to wash pill down.

Consume remainder of tequila. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Arrange for animal shelter to collect mutant cat from HELL, and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

01. Wrap it in a cheese single.


Thursday, September 09, 2004

CHOPSTICKS OR TONGS?


Today before work, I stopped in the cafeteria for my bagel and a schmeer. I mashed them into the toaster slots and pressed the lever.
After a couple of minutes, I had the usual problem of trying to pry out the larger half. I looked at one of the workers who was standing around and jokingly said, "You guys ought to supply some wooden chopsticks, so we can fish these bagels out of here." Do you know what the dipshit did? He handed me a pair of METAL tongs! I couldn't help it. I said, "OH NICE! METAL. Sure will make a GREAT ELECTROCUTION!" He just pursed his lips and turned his heel and walked into the kitchen. My God, are there really really that many complete idiots out there?

Friday, September 03, 2004

GOTH NIGHT and JURY DUTY

Well, I got summoned for jury duty next month. SUX!
So I have to find the perfect Goth outfit for this occasion.
Decisions decisions........Do I do the tough Goth look or do
I do the sexy vixen Goth thing (so I can show all the lawyers
and judges my tattoos) or
Do I do the Goth secretary look???
Send me your vote......



Photo by UrineAmerica
Oh by the way.......Did I mention, I
don't normally dress GOTH????
EDIT
So I go to jury duty and I'm dressed in black with a long (to the ankle) black jacket. I've got black eye make up and look like a vamp from a 1920's movie. White face and lipstick so deep red it looks black. Fake black eyelashes to enhance the darkness of my eyes. I'm scary. I get off at the California station "L" stop with two elderly women and I'm walking behind them, I couldn't help notice one of them looking over her shoulders at me. They probably thought I was going to whack them or pick their pockets. LOL I'm giggling to myself. So at the courthouse, a couple hours pass. Then they call my number. AW PISS! I say. So we go into a room, they take a mini roll call and dismiss me. Cool beans! I'm excited. We go to lunch and come back and I never hear another thing. They gave me a check for 17 bucks and I'm free. I go downtown and spend almost that much on some lipstick.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

DO NOT

Ladies DO NOT

Men DO NOT

Wear unhemmed slacks

Wear unhemmed trousers

Wear old styles. Update your clothing

Wear old styles. Update your clothing

Wear old beaten up shoes

Wear old beaten up shoes

Wear old coats. Update your jackets

Wear old coats. Update your jackets

Wear old glasses. Update your eyewear

Wear old glasses. Update your eyewear

Wear shiny polyester anything!

Wear shiny polyester anything!

Wear wrinkled clothing

Wear wrinkled clothing

Wear unkempt hair

Wear unkempt hair

Check out other men in front of your significant other

Check out other women in front of your significant other

Argue in public

Argue in public

Ask a guy to take you to the most expensive restaurant on your first date

On a first date, take a woman anywhere that there are buffalo wings on the menu

Make out in public

Make out in public

Be so dismissive when you're with your girls at a bar. Someone good may be looking your way!!!!!!!!!

Use cliche pick up lines, because they just don't work anymore and you just sound like a dork!!!!!!!!

Buy your boyfriend a stuffed animal

Buy women stuffed animals

Ask your boyfriend to buy you something

Buy us anymore silver jewelry

Buy guys clothes for major events. If you do, make sure you throw in a gadget or something cool with it

Buy us a bottle of the cologne we use, because, we'll want something different when we've used it up

Wear sweats anywhere except to work out - because they look apalling

Wear sweats anywhere except to work out - because they look apalling

Wear clothes that don't fit

Wear clothes that don't fit

Stalk boyfriends on their cell phones

Stalk girlfriends on their cell phones

Get Courtney Love drunk on your date

Get Robert Downey Jr high on your date

Eat spicy - stinky foods without mints

Eat spicy - stinky foods without mints

Make comments and remarks about his ex

Make comments and remarks about her ex

Talk about your illnesses - they don't care and don't want to hear it

Waste too much time talking about how this and that is too expensive

When you're out shopping with your guy, don't ask him, "does my butt look big?" because if you don't know by now, you're an idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!

Expect us to sit and pine for you anymore. Cause as of Y2K, we don't do it anymore! We just move right on by, with someone new.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GROSS and/or SCARY PEOPLE & THINGS

*Pigs Feet
*Tongue
*Indonesian String Puppets

CLICK HERE FOR PIC
*Mannequins Without Clothes

*Chucky
*Ventroloquist Dummies
*Clowns(Ever seen Steven King's "It"??)
*Smelling Puke
*Seeing Puke
*Dead Crows
*Obese Toddlers
*White Guys in Dreadlocks
*White Guys Wearing Sikh Turbans
*Psoriasis
(See the movie "The Singing Detective" with
Robert Downey Jr.& you'll see what I mean)
*She-males that look way too much male
*David Gest
*Michael Jackson
*Farah Fawcett
*Bruce Jenner
*Marie Osmond (a real shock, please see below)
SCARY

*Joyce Wildenstein (this you have got to see)
MORE SCARY

Some of these people need a full frontal lobotomy!!!!

AWFUL PLASTIC SURGERY

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Cheapskates From Hell

Please leave a proper tip! I don't know how many times in one life I've seen gross under tipping. I've seen so many blockheads in my life that it's mortifying. I don't know why people do this. Don't get a drink at a bar anywhere, this means at a wedding, benefit, funeral or Christmas party, without tipping the bartender. Don't be cheap! I've also seen people sit like clueless clods while the mariachis sing their song request and don't tip them. No matter whether it's a mariachi band or other strolling entertainers, per your request, TIP THEM! Or don't go to a place with entertainers! I, being from Chicago, just think that maybe the offenders are from po-dunk towns, foreign villages, or farms and don't know any better. Perhaps they're people who are just cheapskates. Maybe it's just that their parents were immigrants and never taught their city kids this habit. I don't have these answers. For what ever reason, do your date or guest(s) a favor and not ask her/him out if you're going to be cheap about everything. Just wait and save up until you can. It should not be a complicated thing to go to the bank on payday, and get a few singles and/or fives for this. Go to a website to see who and how much you should tip. You tip your massage therapists, bellhops, coat checker, and the list goes beyond on. Which means the minister who baptizes your kid and buries your relative should be paid also. THIS is not a tip, it's a more of a paycheck! So don't be an ass and leave proper tips! If you are offended by this blog you can piss off and don't read it anymore and don't invite me anywhere.
HANDY TIPPING GUIDE

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Special People

It never ceases to amaze me, how, for the 15 years that I work in a building with an elevator, that I see people still get in the wrong one.
You don't have to be a math wiz, or even a good cook, to know that on the planet Earth, when you're standing in front of an elevator, and the up light-lights up, IT MEANS UP and vice versa.
In case you never took elevator 101, there are two lights (usually) at the top of the lift.
When the light on the top lights up, this means the elevator is going up to floors numbered higher than the one you're on.
When the light on the bottom is lit, you are going DOWN!
Got it???

MOTH BALLS AND CANNED SOUP

If you think this Blog is politically incorrect, then piss off, I don't care. Many times people of all ages who are not hygienic have serious b.o. or halitosis. O.K. I accept that it's a fact of life, some people are not clean. But take the clean ones. I noticed that sometimes elderly people smell like canned soup. I don't know what it is, but now and then, when I am near one, I catch a whiff of the smell of "empty soup can". Then there are other times when they smell like moth balls. What's up with that? Why is it either soup or moth balls? Comments welcome.

ROBO-CATS

This is hilarious, furry Robot cats.
I think this'll work for me. Low maintenance.
For your own furry feline Robo Cat
Go to GIZMODO.COM

These look like the Feline equivalent of Austin Powers'
fembots. They would make great playmates for my
above new feline pet.
Robo mice would be better tho...................
These "Sega Meow-chi" toys dance!
Check them out at ROBOTOYS.COM

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DRIVE YOUR PET NUTS...



"CAT ATTACK"

If you want to make your pet insane, buy them this @ TOYS R US.COM This will drive most younger cats crazy, things that flap around in the wind, usually do.
I think most old cats probably wont give a crap, though.
Again - this is made in Japan. (These people have a penchant for driving animals loco.) What's up with that? If you're from Japan......tell us folks on the other side of the Pacific why you're so into animal gadgets etc????

UNUSUAL SOAPS

BACON SOAP! YUCK! Piglet 2 - Click image to download.

I've heard of some really gross things but this takes the cake.
Me, a girly gurl in the bath department. I'm so fru fru about bath time, that not only do I exfoliate in mandarin and citrus body sugar scrubs. I wash my hair in Aveda shampoo and conditioner. And frequent visits at the Body Shop or Crabtree and Evelyn for their wonderful fruity or flowery soaps which I bathe with. Then of course I have to use an equally fragrant skin lotion or body butter, not to mention top it off with a scented body mist. Most women like fragrant soaps, or at least lightly scented powdery scented ones. Which makes me wonder WHY OH WHY would one want to make or use bacon soap. WHY? WHY would you want to bathe in Dead Pig Carcass and Lye!???? See link below to see what I mean. It's just all too unreal. FOFLOL

CLICK HERE FOR THE RECIPE

CAFFEINATED SOAP


O.K. Now here's something less gross, but still as way out there as BACON Soap. It's "CAFFEINATED" Soap!!!!
Now coffee's not good enough? You have to inject yourself with caffeine now in your morning shower??? Now really....
First Milk Baths, Oatmeal baths, now caffeine ?
How nuts is this? See for yourself. Click below links.
COSTIC INC

XOXIDE.COM

Well, hey, if I'm really desperate, I'll keep a bar on standby. What's next?



DOGS DOGS DOGZ

Is he supposed to be a clown dog?
Is this a Halloween thing?


Click here to enter DRUGSTORE.COM

Check out the item for sale in the side bar under dog translator. It's a Bow-Lingual. I need to know what this does. Is it like an electronic translator when you go away on business, you know how to say, "Donde esta el bano? Wo sind bitte die Toiletten?" They can say...."Voulez vous coucher avec moi?"
To some French poodle in Toronto????
Drugstrore.Com also sells this product, but for much more than Overstock.
HERE IS MY FAVE. "DOGGLES"
The photo says it all. Buy these at
http://www.doggles.com/



http://shop.store.yahoo.com/doggles/home.html

Friday, July 30, 2004

MY STRANGE ACCENT

I dated a guy a couple weeks ago, and I think he thought I was being a dishonest person, 'cause I never heard from him again.

We chatted up at Starbucks, first for a couple hours. Then went to a Moroccan restaurant and talked over tagine and a couple pots of mint tea. He kept asking me, where in England I was from, 'cause he said, he kept hearing my accent waver, (with my ever so famous British inflections and colloquialisms.) I said, although I spent many a vacation, in the U.K. I was born and raised here. I said, my accent is a Lincoln Park neighborhood, Chicago accent. He asked me 4 times total, in one way or another. I said, "look, I am not lying to you! I'm just messing around for fun. I am from Chicago and no where else." I never heard from him again after our second date.

O.K. analysis done. Upon investigation......My current co-workers, have told me that I do "do" this. An old co-worker told me I do it jokingly, but also do it absent-mindedly, and have done so for years. I intentionally do this when I joke around, and it's usually in a Cockney or Scottish accent. After talking with an old friend from grammer school, she remembers me doing this when I was around 9. Scary. Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose. I guess I watch so much BBC America, and have been watching British programming for so many years now, that in hearing British English so often, it has actually altered and incorporated itself into my Chicago accent. (Having dated Brits has had a hand in this too. LOL) I can't believe that, I couldn't explain this back then. Because, at the time, I was trying so hard to figure out what was so different looking about me that made him so sure I was a closet Brit. Maybe he thought I had a schizophrenic situation going on, I don't know. Maybe, he didn't like it cause I kept rolling my eyes after he asked. Oh well.....What's done is done. Now I just think he's a dork, who doesn't know what he missed out on. And I should have told him to piss off (in a Cockney accent.) The next poor old sod, I have a date with, will hear all this blather, because if I like him, I'll have to explain the whole story behind my strange accent. (Which I still don't think I have) Or he'll think I'm some sort of a sleeper cell hiding out in Chicago, and report me to the FBI or the CIA. This I don't need, in this day and age.


WASN'T THE FIRST ONE ENOUGH?



As a kid and teen, I loved horror films.
I use to live and breath awaiting the next one due out.
I was Miss blood and guts. The gorier the better.
Out came The Exorcist.........
AND THEN IT WAS ALL OVER.
That film scared the crap out of me, and horror films
were no more. I didn't see a horror film ever and then
was only able to see the edited version on t.v. and in
broad daylight. Like, on a Halloween afternoon, I think
I saw Wolfen and Interview With A Vampyre. That's
about all I can handle.
I'm not alone in this. I think, it left a bad taste in most
peoples mouths. It's like having a scar in the brain.
I've been traumatized and the scars are still there to
remind me, how I - (Miss never gets scared to go anywhere)
can easily have the crap scared out of me.
Hell, (no pun intended) even the trailer of the movie scares
the crap out of me.
So that leaves me with the rhetorical question......
Wasn't the first one enough?

PILLARS OF THE EARTH

OCTOBER 15th 2004

I read this book and it's
awesome. It's really long
but a great story. It has
inspired me to go to
Lincoln, England to see this
awesome ancient city and
cathedral.
It takes place in 12th century England. It shows the life and times of all classes of people. Kings, queens, knights, squires, ladies, priests, villagers, pilgrams and even people of the forest. It shows the trials and tribulations of daily life but extends to the life story of a few characters who cross paths with each other in the environs of Lincolnshire. Along the road towards the building of the Lincoln Cathedral. It shows the strength of the Church of England and also shows the dirty politics within the church at that time as well. A very vivid and graphic read. It's one of Follett's top best.
Out of 5 stars, I give this one a 5.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

ARE YOU CRAZY OR ARE YOU JUST ON YOUR MOBILE?

While living in Chicago, I finally got use to hearing people walking and talking on their mobile phones. It's not unusual to see people talking with their ear gear and phone in hand. At first it was weird cause most people didn't use ear ear, then over night everyone has ear gear of some sort.
While waiting for a bus to come home, there's a woman, talking about mutual funds and stocks and yadda this about finance and yadda that. Then in a nanosecond, the conversation changed to bitch this and bitch that, even her voice changed too. She got louder and more ghetto with the lingo. I took a step back to take a peek at her and she's talking away only to herself. No ear gear, no mobile. When the bus came she stayed there. Spooky.

Friday, July 23, 2004

IT'S STARTED

They say that the first thing to go is your brain. Well, I haven't even turned 46 yet and the mind has already gone.
A co-worker was telling me that she was getting a couple kittens but really wanted them all.
I told her that I would never be able to visit her again, if she did that, cause I'm allergic.
She then asked me if I was always allergic. I said no. I had two cats as a kid. I loved my last one so much that I was eternally saddened, that we had to give that cat up, when we moved to a "No Cat's" apartment.
Then she asked me the magic question, "what happened to the first one?".
And do you know what? I did not remember. What the hell happened to my mind?
Did she die of old age? Did we have her euthanized? What happened to Orphan Annie?
I wondered about it for the next 4 hours and it bothered me so much, that I had to use my cell phone to call my aunt long distance. After hi how are you, yadda yadda yadda, I asked her, "what happened to Orphan Annie? I can't remember for the life of me, what on earth became of her."
My aunt, with a half laugh, (and it better be a half laugh) said, "she ran away. She just left home one day and never returned. I remember, she was 9 years old." Blimey, I thought, is that one of those events, one hears about, that's so traumatizing, that you could black it out completely? I've heard about these cases.
Could this be it? I thought, maybe I'm vitamin deficient, cause I'm losing it! I need some Ginko Biloba. Stopped at Walgreens, paid for a bottle of the new age elixer and left. Took a bus the rest of the way home trying to recall the past. Trying to recollect my very first memories, so that they stay fresh, (paranoid that I be) I sure wouldn't want to forget my beloved great grand parents.
I go home and open my bag pack, and low and behold, I left the Ginko Biloba ON THE COUNTER!
SHOOT ME NOW AND SEND ME TO THE GLUE FACTORY!!!!

PUNK'D BY A SENIOR CITIZEN

I think I have brain damage from my "Extreme Sport" days, cause I sure didn't see this one coming....................................................... Today at work, one of the doctors sends an elderly Asian-American patient over to me, so that I could schedule him for cataract surgery. I give him the paper work for the physical and pre-op instructions. So, as I'm putting clinical notes into his chart I ask him, "I need the name of your primary care physician." Patient says, "Who?" I turn towards him, and ask again, "your doctor's name, sir"? "Who?" he says again. This time, I figure, he's a little hard of hearing. So I stand up slightly and lean towards him, and ask a little louder this time, looking him in the eye and enunciating, "who is your primary care physician, who will give you your
physical?" And the gentleman hands me his doctor's business card,it said Dr Wu-Internal Medicine. I've been Abbott and Costello'd. I've been Punked by a Senior Citizen. I had to walk away to laugh at my sorry ass.

http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Earthquake

This week I experienced a little bit of an
earthquake.

It was spooky.
I laid in bed and felt the earth under me, rumble.
As I laid perfectly still, Illinois shook only a little
bit, it was significant, and it was mild, and I knew
exactly what it was. It was Illinois' third recently.
Later I found out the preliminary reading was
3.5 on the Richter Scale. The epicenter was
over hundred miles away, yet I felt it, and no
one I know felt it.
It just makes me wonder how easy I could become
homeless. It can just take a few seconds really.
I'm American and I have skills to find a job, but
I still can become homeless in under a minute.
We've been having weird weather too. Not only
where I live, but in places that never ever had
tornados are getting them. I think there's a lot to
be said regarding that move Day After Tomorrow.
It makes one re-think. It's kinda humbling.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

COOL PSYCHOLOGY TESTS

These were my groovy results. I'm mostly left brained. What does that mean? Hmmmm.

Brain Lateralization Test Results
Right Brain (52%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (64%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain
Test results provided by Similar Minds.Com
This works best when you take the Enneagram Test and the
Jung-Myers-Briggs typology test FIRST. With those results,
you then take the Similar Minds tests for your better psych patterns etc.
************************************************************************

NOW FOR THE BBC'S TEST
This is so amusing. It was sent to me by a Brit. (O.K. I'll play anything.) The BBC has too much time on their hands, to be incorporating e-mail trivia games, to their t.v. programmes. Their verson has more bells and whistles though. First there's "The Personality Test" and then there's the "Smile Test." You look at 20 people smile or laugh and you rate whether it was fake or not. (Yes this is for real)
So if you have a couple of minutes, check it out----->
BBC TEST
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004

COD FISH ICE CREAM

The ladies I work with were telling me the most wild tale of a city in Puerto Rico (Lares) that's world famous for their 1000 flavors of ice cream. Not nutty, fruity stuff but weird unusual stuff that you'll never find in America. For example Cod fish, rice and beans, garlic, tomato, and more. Who buys this stuff? The Puerto Ricans I know, wouldn't eat cod fish ice cream if you gave it to them free. I just had to blog this unique place to you, so that you could Google it for yourselves and see. It's HeladerĂ­a de Lares. SO try HeladerĂ­a Lares Ice Cream in your search, cause, I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP!!!
I think I only have one friend who would eat cod fish ice cream.

End of Story.

TRAVEL SAFE


I thought I've seen it all (working in hospitals for 25 years and traveling for longer.) Well this takes the cake! This is a travelers delight. You can bet that snoopy thieves WONT go through these!! WTF!? A Brief Safe?
You can buy them for US$9.00
See SHOMER-TEC Eeegads, what next? (ONLY IN AMERICA)

Monday, June 28, 2004

I'M PORTUGUESE!

I'm Portuguese! At a family gathering recently, I found out that a set of my great grand parents are Portuguese. They moved to Brazil and lived there before coming to the U.S. as I understand it. HOT DOG! Now I'm one more thing! Only problem is I don't know jack about Portugal (aside from their football/soccer team) or being Portuguese. Halp!!! I need to know a little something about the coolness of being Portuguese. COMMENTS PLEASE............
The only good thing I know, that came out of Portugal is this guy. The Portuguese water doggie:)


Friday, June 25, 2004

EYE CANDY

This is forever going to disturb me.

It gives a whole new meaning to the word

"Eye Candy".

Click below to see where you too can go and

have your EYE BALL pierced. EEEWWW.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4685961/

Image: JewelEye

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

SQUIRRELS EAT SNICKERS

Nobody believed me............One day at work, I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned around and where the drapery was open a bit, I saw a squirrel with a snickers bar in it's hand. It unwrapped it and ate it right there, on the other side of the window. Then, I saw it go to the trash bin across the alley and get out another one and come back to the window again and bury the other one. It buried 3 snickers bars and then got a 5th one and started eating it right there by the window again.
It was so cute, and I was so amused that I sat there and watched it for nearly 15 minutes.
Later when I told some people about it in the cafeteria, they thought I was kidding and telling some tall Halloween yarn. It wasn't a Halloween yarn damned it! The Walmart next door threw out their expired Halloween candy and the squirrel was enjoying it.
Somehow I don't think these people believed me by the way they were laughing and shaking their heads side to side. But IT REALLY DID HAPPEN! Candy eating squirrels DO exist. This is not an urban legend!

Reeses Squirrel